Tuesday, November 18, 2008

A Rose by Any Other Name?

More contradictions from the land where they're rife. Like many women of my generation, I didn't take my husband's name when we got married. It wasn't a big issue or a moment for me to take a political stand. He said that names are personal so do what you want and I was comfortable just keeping the name I had had for almost thirty years. Despite my very traditional and proper grandmother's concerns about the confusion this would create for our children, that never came to pass. In fact, it seemed that at least half of the kids at school had parents with different last names. I made it a policy never to get testy when teachers called me by my kids' last name but always introduced myself to them and corresponded with them using my own name.

Fast forward to our arrival in France, a country that seems at first glance decidely less traditional about such matters. Almost half (48 percent) of all births are to women who are not married to their partners. And even Ségolène Royal, who ran for president in the last go round, was never married to the father of her four children. (Imagine that happening in the U.S.!)

But apparently, my name on my passport doesn't carry much weight. Because my legal status in France is tied to my husband's employment, my carte de sejour (the official document that allows me to be here) was issued in his name (my first name, his last name). To add insult to injury, two other organizations we've joined have also been at a loss of how to deal with a couple with two last names. Our accounts there are now under a hyphenated name. (To make matters worse, I think the hyphenation is his name first for one of them, my name first for the other.) But what are you gonna do? I still have that other little issue of everyone thinking I'm either Spanish or Portugese to deal with as well but that's a story for another day.

7 comments:

jonnifer said...

I feel your pain. I too didn't take my husband's name and institutions here don't quite know how to deal with it. From the gardien of our building calling me Madame [husband's name] and putting my husband's name only on the mailbox (I asked him to change it) to the bank deciding to put me down as Mademoiselle when I opened my account, so as not to create confusion in the system, to, yes, my husband's name appearing on my carte de séjour (alongside my real name), something as simple as a name ends up being more complicated here. Maybe all those un-marrieds are on to something?

Isabelle said...

An explanation is that when a French woman gets married she either takes her husband's name, or she takes both names (hers first, her husband's second). I have never met someone who kept her maiden name. I don't even know wether it's allowed or not!
I don't know how you are going to deal with it, Jonnifer, when you have to fill in the tax form as a married woman?!

jonnifer said...

Well that explains it. Isabelle, do men ever hyphenate their name when they get married or do they always keep it the same?

Anne said...

It all feels a bit medieval. But I guess if I'm going to be someone's chattel, it might as well be in Paris!

Isabelle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Isabelle said...

To answer your question, Jonnifer, France being quite a latin (and therefore macho) country, a man never hyphenate his name! (sigh)

GregoMcK23 said...

This is very interesting. Here where I live, in Québec, it is never allowed for a woman to take her husband's last name; she must keep her maiden name. It has been like that since 1981.

Interesting blog, by the way! Found it on the Paris blog site...

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