The Last Fill in the Blank

I hate it that even though we won't be leaving Paris until the beginning of July, the "lasts" are already coming fast furious -- the last time at my gym (because I'm too cheap to pay the exorbitant short term membership rate now that my normal subscription has expired), my last trip with the French ladies to their favorite chateaux, my last French lesson.  Some of these are not so definitive.  Was that the last shopping trip to Tang Freres?  The last time I'll stroll past Notre Dame?  Either way, each one of these experiences feels like a chink in my protective Paris armor.

Of course there's nothing to do about it but keep on keeping on.  As much as I'm trying to cram in the expos, pastry shops, dinners out, and time with friends, I'm also trying my best to soak in the intangibles that are Paris, the little sights, sounds, and smells in the landscape that can't be bottled or pasted in my memory book.  Although truthfully with all the logistics of moving house and family, it's hard to stay completely in the present.   It's hard not to wonder about where I'll be emotionally and what I'll be doing next year at this time -- will Paris seem fuzzy and far away as if it never happened?  My kids have their own questions and fears about the future which I'm doing my best to allay without having any clear idea myself of what it will be like to be back.  I know we've all changed, them probably more than me given the share of their young lives that have passed in Paris.  But just how?  It's impossible to know now.

I have to keep reminding myself that we are already living on borrowed time -- this additional year was not anticipated when we made the leap across the pond in 2007.  In fact, had you asked me in 2005 whether we'd be living in Paris, I would have been surprised at the whole idea.  We are lucky to have the "lasts" because we had the "firsts," a whole boatload of experiences that we never dreamed of having.  Fortunately, there's still time left to make more memories before the last time I close our apartment door.